kimberlysteele: (Default)

 

Hi Everyone, this post is likely it for this week -- I'm trying to finish a song project and I'll be pouring lots of effort into it Wednesday, when I usually put out a new post. Thanks for reading and please respect my no-profanity rules in the comments.

I have had more close friendships end due to my own choice than the other way around. In most of the cases, I was responsible for both the breakup and at least in part for the conflict that led to the breakup. In only one case did I feel completely innocent. Unlike the others, I never crap-talked this friend, I didn't enchant a guy she was obsessed with, and I was never so much as rude to her though she did not return the favor. She had an irritating habit of telling me I looked tired that I don't miss -- though I blew it off, this seemed to be a form of concern-trolling meant to inform me I was looking my chronological age and not youthful and fresh as we women are supposed to look at all times. She was often kind and considerate, but when the going got rough in her life, she turned out to be a bitter lunatic, obsessed with what she could not have. In her case, the holy grail was a biological child. She spent the second half of our decade-long friendship convinced that she deserved a healthy, perfect baby of her own genetic extraction. As an adoptee who was abandoned by my natural mother at ten days old despite being physically and mentally unblemished, it struck me as odd that she saw adoption as a vastly distant second best to procreation. Somewhere near the end, she found Jesus at the local McBox church -- during our last meeting she insisted she was finally content in life because of her newfound religion. My BS detector started ringing; she was raised agnostic atheist. The friendship came to a screeching halt when I asked, "What if Jesus doesn't have it in His plan for you to conceive?" You could almost hear the snap of the friendship breaking. Despite the pointed nature of my question, I still don't think I did anything wrong.

In a similar vein, I don't feel I wronged my vegan friends when I ended my vegan meetup group of ten years in August. Like my baby-obsessed former pal, vegans and vegetarians have become lunatics about their own holy grail, which is the toppling of the legally elected 45th president of the United States by any means necessary. They began this psychotic break in 2015, when Donald Trump went from fading reality TV show star to leader of the Executive Branch. Though my former friends accuse me of being a Trump fetishist, he has elicited no more than a "meh" from me in his entire presidential journey. I think he's done as good of a job as a person could do given the situation, but unlike them, I wouldn't take his job if it were handed to me on a silver platter, for all the power it would grant me.

I'm intellectually honest: Trump is a weird blowhard. He looks funny with his orange skin and puffy combover. He's also apparently quite competent at being President. He got in the way of foreign powers like China and Russia without goading them into firefights and he also got in the way of domestic terrorists like BLM and Antifa. He did not start any new wars. He's OK in my book. "Oh yeah, he seems OK" is the highest compliment I can give a president as a staid, born and bred, non-city dwelling Midwesterner. Make of that what you will. I am not excited about Trump. He elicits no passion from me one way or the other. I think he is OK, that is all.

Don't tell the other vegetarians, though. Former friends of mine foam at the mouth at the mention of Trump's name, their higher instincts thrown overboard in favor of Pavlovian hate porn gleefully propagated in every byte of mainstream media chatter. Between Facebook, Twitter, and CNN, their lives are one long, solid dog whistle, a teakettle of piss left on a dung-encrusted stove that never stops boiling over. My husband warned me that saying "All lives matter" got Jessica Doty Whitaker, the 24 year old Indiana mother of a three year old boy, fatally shot in the face. Recently, when I put out a sign letting my students know I would not force them to wear a mask inside my business, an adult piano student of a certain age confronted me, citing the governor's authority to deal with me for breaking the mask mandate. When I retorted with "The Constitution is the ultimate law of the land," she got so mad, she quit the lessons she had been taking for over two years. She was not mature about the matter. She ghosted me and did not pay for the half month she was present before our political disagreement. I was far more irritated by the ghosting than the money. People who are older than I am should know better than to act in such a rude and uncouth manner, especially over such trivia as politics. I just hope she finds a teacher in political agreement with whom to resume her lessons, because she was finally beginning to make real progress. I would hate to see two years of work, both mine and hers, wasted!

I am 47. Never did I think I would see a day when a despised Hollywood elite was more interested in cheering on BLM communism than making money in their chosen crafts of acting, directing, and film production, but here we are. Never did I suspect the Left would become the party of censorship. Never did I think people who marched for an end to the war in Vietnam would stump for an all out warmonger who put hundreds of thousands of black people in prison while his own son smoked crack cocaine with the groomed 14 year old daughter of his own dead brother. I didn't expect Donald Trump to be president in the first place and I'm more shocked to see that he's not half-bad at it. I'm done being surprised.

I would like to see a collective return to the old fashioned notions of civility and decorum. This means I would like to see a world where people don't shout in each other's faces or ghost their piano teachers because they are politically disgruntled. I'd like to see a world where Americans wear proper clothes in public spaces instead of open-toed Birkenstocks, shorts, sweatpants complete with sweat stains, and pajamas.  I'd like to see a general disavowal of calling people the eff word and the C word and a return to more literary yet devastating insults.  I'm entitled to my pipe dreams, I suppose. There are life lessons here that are being learned, that much is obvious. I pray we don't need a civil war to figure them out.
kimberlysteele: (Default)
 Dear Friend,

 

There are reasons why I have blocked you out of my life.  Right now, I am facing the consequences of your actions.  Your paranoia about a disease that has been statistically proven to kill fewer people than heart disease per year has nearly destroyed my business that is twenty-four years in the making.  That’s more than half my life.  You, who attained higher degrees at great cost yet have not been able to do what I managed out of determination, originality, and sheer chutzpah now sit back, demanding the eternal shutdown so you and your loved ones can obtain the communist welfare utopia you think you want.  

 

I did my best to keep my irritation at bay, but when your derangement over a legally-elected president exploded into its latest virulent form, I had no choice but to bring down the hammer of judgement.  You are, quite literally, ruining my life right now.  Like many Americans, I was just beginning to see a bit of financial prosperity when you cut the economy’s legs off with shutdowns and then riots.

 

To understand how we got here, I want to go on a journey into your psychology, a thing that you have almost no understanding of despite your general pretenses of being book-smart and expensive psychotherapist addiction.

 

Once upon a time, there was a senator from Vermont who rose to recognition on waves of the middle class economic frustration.  He was axed in a tragicomedy of high-grade corruption so obvious a third grader could have figured out the storyline.  The result of this cheating was the election of a charismatic Caesar, which if you knew anything of history, you would know is a common event during the decline of Empire. If you weren’t so mentally damaged, you might also know this outcome is better for you and the class to which you aspire than the alternative, which is mass bloodshed and beheadings of a fossilized elite a la Robespierre.  

 

You operate exactly like a person under a malign spell.  You still have not gotten over the results of an election nearly four years in the past.  Please let that sink in.  There has been plenty of time to sit back and reflect why your party lost and even more time to cultivate ways to do better by potential voters.  Instead of doing this, you have thrown a multi-year tantrum that began with lumpy pink hats.  The excuse at that time was sexual harassment of girls and women.  Part of the first #metoo phase was to pretend you are a witch and throw bad intentions at the alleged misogynist patriarchy; this summed up the zeitgeist adequately.  Your karmic punishment for these bad intentions is a blubbering, senile pedophile you’ve cruelly thrust into the debate chair.

 

The next phase of manufactured outrage was Russian collusion.  Projecting your own shadow, you cried about espionage and electronic manipulation.  Boy, did you get your rear end handed to you on that one.

 

After that, it was masks.  You’re still in this phase.  The mask is at once a virtue signal and the grown-up’s version of a binky: a sad, dilapidated totem that symbolically shields its wearer from being perceived as politically conservative.  That’s why you want everyone to wear the mask; just like you would like us to believe there are more than twenty people who want to vote for your demented presidential candidate, you want to enforce the appearance of political hegemony among people who have no interest in backing your party.  Holding the entire economy hostage isn’t enough.  Having the entire mainstream media in your pocket isn’t enough.  Since cable viewership is down, you have discovered you cannot force your way into the public consciousness via the television screen and its ads.  Only a person under an evil spell would be horrified by this, and horrified you are.  You would have George Orwell’s 1984 without envisioning the consequences, and because you are deeply afflicted, you have bankrupted yourself intellectually out of lust of result.

 

Like the aforementioned French 18th century elite, you are losing your heads due to an acute lack of self-analysis. 

 

Your final, desperate act is to play the race card.  To do this, you have enlisted an infantry of white, college-educated liberal women and their pathetic, ineffectual male cuckolds.  Behind them, yanking the puppet strings, are viciously racist blacks, Latinos, and Asians, cheering on the disintegration of the working classes as business districts are torched.  Like you, the riots are motivated by a fundamental disconnect from reality.  Large corporations that benefit from times of unrest are unscathed when one or two of their stores are burned to the ground; small businesses are not.  You bleat about systemic cruelty, yet wasn’t it you I saw on Instagram modeling stretch pants or fashionable new Amazon.com outfit/toy?  Wasn’t your new item made via slave labor in the Third World?  You live in a segregated neighborhood, whether it is all white and Asian, all black, or all Latino.  I don’t.  My lower middle class neighborhood is mixed, just like my own racial make-up.  You are voting for the party that put more blacks in jail than any other party, yet this is somehow about police cruelty, not the institutions that control the levers of law enforcement.  Once again, you piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining.  

 

I have blocked you because you are no longer sane.  I hope this is a temporary condition, but I have no problem if it is permanent.  You need me more than I need you.  You need businesses like mine so the economy isn’t completely given over to the large corporations you claim to be taking to task.  You need my mental stability and my willingness to stand against tyrants.  “By their fruits ye shall know them.” You, who say you are brave, manifest the opposite of bravery in every deed and word.  You have thrown me under the bus, and in doing so, you have become the despised tyrant.  You are not the victim.  You are the perpetrator.  This time, it's personal.  Sayonara.  

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Kimberly Steele

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