kimberlysteele | Entries tagged with autism

Residence of the Collyer brothers, world famous New York hoarders.

The collective astral plane is a cluttered mess right now. Imaginations have become ghettoes: ramshackle, crowded urban hells that are prone to colonization and constantly fought over by corrupt powers. Those who do any form of genuine spiritual work do the equivalent of bodybuilding in extreme gravity. I say "genuine" because much of what poses as spiritual work or spiritual literacy is actually toxic pyramid-building in disguise. They want your money, they want your time, and they want the lifeblood of your children if you are willing to give it. We are living in a scary and dangerous world.

Autism is not a superpower. As someone who has autism, I think it is a disability that is part and parcel of the astral conditions of our time that make it harder to do spiritual work. Just as I won't pretend it is somehow more desirable to live in the worst collective astral conditions in human history, I won't pretend having autism makes me better than I would have been without it. Autism cripples us on the physical plane and easily render the autistic person as a lifelong dependent with a menagerie of wasted potentials. Plus, autism is exceedingly common. One in every thirty six humans are born autistic in 2024 with the 1970s numbers being more like one in ten thousand. I don't believe this is over-diagnosis, either. I work with children and if my 30 year career is to be considered as a cross-section of what is going on with the general populace, I can confidently say autism is more common now. Vaccines are probably to blame along with feminizing petroleum byproduct chemicals of the type discussed in the book Our Stolen Future.

Body Bleed

From this occultist's perspective, autism is a disorder of physical and non-physical body sensitivity. To better understand what I am talking about, I will invoke one of my Ogham tree cards called Saille, symbolized by the willow tree or Betula alba. In my system of Ogham, balance is represented by an upright card and imbalance is represented by an inverted or ill-dignified card. For every median point of balance, there are two extremes flanking either side that represent imbalance. Saille is Sensitivity or Flexibility. Imbalance comes in the form of excess sensitivity and flexibility or a lack of those things. Autistic people, when imbalanced, are both too sensitive and inflexible.

On the physical plane, autistic oversensitivity is easy to witness if you've ever seen it in action or suffered it yourself. Autistic people, especially children, are picky about food and can easily turn it into a battleground with parents and caregivers. The food has to smell a certain way, be served at a certain time, and it must be confined to a narrow range of "acceptable", often highly processed forms. The reason behind this kind of pickiness is that autistic people are extremely sensitive to the etheric plane, which is the energy plane where things like aesthetics, vibes, smells, and textures truly matter. Autistic perfectionism is at its most severe when it comes to food, and autistics want perfectly customized meals recreated from past "perfect" meals that alleviated their etheric starvation. As children, famous autists Beata and Greta Thunberg tortured their mother with food sensitivities and requirements. The poor woman had to cancel her career as a internationally renowned opera singer in order to constantly cater to her daughters' etheric demands.

Autistic people, including myself, often have trouble looking people in the eye. The reason for this is twofold: one is that to look someone in the eye is to forge an astral connection with them. For the normie, it's no big deal to connect some rando over the cash register, but for the autistic person with an oversensitive astral and etheric body, it is a potential disaster waiting to happen. There is a common thread among many ancient cultures that photographs steal a little bit of someone's vital essence or soul, and I think this is relative to what happens when an autistic person makes eye-to-eye contact; it is an intimate act. The second reason autistic people avoid eye contact is because they don't need to use their eyes. Autistic people do not "see" so much with their eyes as with their etheric bodies. In my own case, I know that I can remember people I know far more easily by their vibe and non-visual perception of their moods than I can their faces. The astral source underneath the etheric vibe is a much more reliable source of identification for me than physically seeing a face and a body shape. I think autistic people who can't look at you in the eye subconsciously know that Meatworld is an illusion and a fakeout. If they are anything like me, they close their eyes in order to get a true read of you and your feelings towards them without the distraction of visuals.

Sensitivity, like any force, can be good or bad. If the autistic person can sense the truest, most meaningful nature of the person without use of the eyes, I guess that can be categorized as Good. In the Bad corner, it is all too easy for the sensitive person to become overstimulated and suffer a partial or total shutdown due to sensory fatigue.

Autistic People and Their Mothers

The following is mere speculation because I have never been pregnant to my own knowledge in this incarnation.

Pregnancy is a profound bond where mother and child share a single astral body and etheric body along with sharing the physical body. The physical bodies of mother and child separate when the child is delivered. The separation of the etheric body takes much longer to diverge: I believe mother and child are etherically linked until the child reaches the age of six or seven. The astral body takes the longest time to separate and does not become fully separate until the child reaches puberty. Because the etheric body of a biological woman is male (etheric yang to her physical body's yin), the etheric bodies of children -- being the same as their biological mothers for a time -- are male until true gender development happens at puberty.

When you are adopted as I am and did not have a biological mother anywhere near the scene, the etheric bond is created with the primary caretaker. Though this isn't quite the same as the etheric homogeneity of a biological mother, it is more than adequate if there is love for the child. Fathers also create etheric bonds with their children if they choose to stick around and be part of their kids' lives. Additionally, there are plenty of times when the etheric bond is not created between biological mother and child -- there are plenty of stories of mothers who don't form the bond or children that reject it from babyhood. Interestingly, when a father (biological or otherwise) cheats on the mother of his child, he truly cheats on the child or children as well. If the child is under seven years old, he is cheating on both the astral and etheric planes, opening the subtle bodies of the mother and the child to parasites and mayhem on every level of their being.

Speaking of Infection and Disease...

The astral and etheric permeability of children is already what makes normal childhood risky. Adding autism and its accompanying hypersensitivity to the mix only makes it worse, opening avenues for the non-physical equivalent of infection and disease. With the clutter of the collective astral right now rushing in to claim autistic people as astral pyramid recruits, it's seriously not easy to be autistic.

Autistic children are often not raised with any form of diligence. For a long time now, parents have been asking children what they want to do... as if the kids honestly knew. Bribery is a common tactic. "You can have ice cream/a new toy if you'll concentrate for the next thirty seconds, buddy." Uh huh, whatever, mom. Children crave boundaries because boundaries prove to them that their parents are powerful and can keep them safe. When a child acts out, it is usually out of a subconscious fear that the parent is weak, cannot protect them, and is easily pushed around by outside forces. The child is sharing an astral body with at least one parent. In the case of younger children, the child shares an etheric body with mom, which is almost like sharing a physical body. The child wants to be reminded that their body is strong and impervious to assault. This is a natural instinct. If the parent is wishy-washy, the child will push to see how far the weakness goes. He or she has to assess how bad the vulnerability is by throwing a tantrum, crying, yelling, biting, and hitting. The castle walls must be tested to see if they will crumble.

Adding boundaries and hard limits gives the child what they need to feel protected and secure. A mother who says NO to ten minutes more of an iPad game or a request for tater tots and chocolate cake for dinner is the same protective, walled fortress who will say NO to the child molester who wants to date her in order to cover his agenda of raping her offspring.

Greta Thunberg failed to reach physical adulthood because she nearly starved herself to death during her pubescent years. (If anything, tween anorexics need to take this as a warning: if you starve yourself now, you could very well spend the rest of this incarnation looking like an overgrown little girl akin to the 2009 film The Orphan, or if you get the motherlode of plastic surgery, like 2022's M3GAN.) Greta nearly managed to emaciate herself to death despite putting her mother through a three ring autistic meal preparation circus at every meal. I cannot speak to Greta's astral development as I don't know her and I do not care to know her, but it seems abundantly clear that her etheric and physical development were curtailed somewhere near the age of twelve, and she has remained frozen in time. Cruel as it sounds, if I were Greta's mother, I would have given her two choices at the dinner table -- take it or leave it. Perhaps I would be in prison because of it and perhaps my autistic child would be dead of starvation; we begin to see why I chose not to have kids. I like to think my pretend autistic child would have grown tired of testing the limits upon finding they stood firm despite her autistic brat histrionics.

Of course I cannot speak for all people with autism, but from what I have perceived in myself and other autists, it takes autistic people longer to to master the etheric and astral skills normies take for granted. Sociability is prime example: autistic people are too busy being overwhelmed by the etheric and astral bombardment of other people's auras to figure out how to say what someone else wants to hear. Going back to maternal attachment, many autistic people turn into eternal children as adults, retreating into an antisocial bubble. Within this bubble, they depend on a parent, a set of parents, or someone who acts in loco parentis such as a spouse or relative. Autistic adults who depend financially on more "normal" heads of household suffer from stunted astral development. Their creative ability collapses into a set of fond dreams that is no more real than the games and TV/movie imagery they shovel into their minds.

As for adult autism and the salvaging of our unseen bodies, I tend to think autistic people require spiritual protection above and beyond so-called normies because of our oversensitivity issues. Whether this comes in the form of prayer, traditional religious forms, banishing rituals such as the Sphere of Protection or the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, or other unturned stones, I have no idea. For me, it's the aforementioned SoP, Ogham, and discursive meditation, day in, day out, with the kind of German-train-schedule-regularity to which only an autistic could happily commit.

Autism is more than just a common condition with many possible causes ranging from hormone-disrupting plastics in the environment and vaccine schedules. Autism is the zeitgeist of our time. As a high-functioning autistic who has battled the more problematic and antisocial aspects of autism, I believe I am qualified to speak on the subject.

The Girls Who Could Not Shudder

Though Temple Grandin, the high functioning autistic who figured out how to build a better slaughterhouse, believes autism grants her the ability to think like an animal, I tend to disagree. The most high functioning autistics, such as myself, have a weird and serene overview of what fear is made of. Grandin's genius where fear is concerned was to figure out how to trick animals into believing everything is OK until the last second when the bolt shoots out of nowhere and ends his or her life. Mine was to figure out that the seemingly demon-possessed masses (nobody will ever know for sure if it was demons, gods, God, or plain old human nature) reacted to a minor seasonal flu with draconian lockdowns and deadly injection regimes because at their core they were afraid of losing easy affluence and high status. My odd relationship with fear has made it impossible to get the creeps. I finally saw my first full-body apparition a couple of years ago and I had no fear reaction at all. I can watch the Exorcist or any other "scary" film and be grossed out but never scared.

Autism truly is a spectrum and most people have it to one degree or another. If I were to take a guess, I would venture that it is a Plutonian influence because it seems to have an affinity for prosthetic digital fantasy worlds, plastics, and cheap oil wealth.

Autists Love Rules

In the film Rain Man, Dustin Hoffman plays Raymond, the institutionalized adult autistic brother of a sleazy car dealer played by Tom Cruise. Realizing his deceased father's 3 million dollar fortune is held up in Raymond's institution, Charlie (Tom Cruise's character) springs his brother for an epic road trip where they get to know each other for the first time. Rain Man made a splash in 1988 because it brought autism into the spotlight as a real disorder and audiences got a fascinating glimpse into the every day world of an idiot-savant. Raymond's worst meltdowns in the film are triggered by disruptions of routines and rules. Raymond is unwilling to board a plane. His reaction is so extreme, Charlie ends up taking him on the long journey via car. Raymond loves watching The People's Court every day at the same time on television, which means that Charlie must accommodate his wishes despite being on the road.

Rain Man was based on the true story of Laurence Kim Peek, a real life savant who the character of Raymond was meant to pay tribute. The depiction of Raymond won multiple awards for its unflinching truth. For better or for worse, the autists I have known and taught all have a certain love of rules and schedules. One adult autistic student may request me to write everything she is expected to practice in a week down to the finest detail of fingering as well as how many times she is to practice at a specific time of day predetermined by me. Another autistic adult who was more severe on the autism spectrum loved the same funny demonstration of the Do-Re-Mi-Fa-Sol pentachord week after week. She loved it for its predictability and not in spite of it. When I was a child, I presumed all families gathered for supper at 5:30pm because that is what my family did. I loved order, dependability, and routine and still do. To this day, when I am forced or obliged to stay up past my usual bedtime, I get very irritable and snippy about it if I am not keeping my temper in check.

Autism can bring out the worst in people, especially the children of rich people. Greta Thunberg descended into a horrific eating disorder at the age of 11. Her indulgent parents cancelled everything for their child, including her mother's career as an international opera singer. Greta went on long campaigns of manipulative, seemingly-intentional anorexia right as her body was supposed to be experiencing maturity and a final growth spurt.

Svante is boiling gnocchi. It is extremely important that the consistency is perfect, otherwise it won’t be eaten. We set a specific number of gnocchi on her plate. It’s a delicate balancing act; if we offer too many our daughter won’t eat anything and if we offer too few she won’t get enough. Whatever she ingests is obviously too little, but every little bite counts and we can’t afford to waste a single one. Then Greta sits there sorting the gnocchi. She turns each one over, presses on them and then does it again. And again. After 20 minutes she starts eating. She licks and sucks and chews: tiny, tiny bites. It takes for ever. “I’m full,” she says suddenly. “I can’t eat any more.” -Malena Ernman on daughter Greta Thunberg

Thunberg and her equally molly-coddled autistic sister, Beata, straddled the line between legitimate disability and total brat. Both sisters clearly enjoyed torturing their parents. A part of them coolly observed as their parents indulged ever more hysterical antics in order to appease their every whim. Greta was willing to starve to death as a child in order to have her rules, her way, and her parents were appointed with the responsibility for her starvation by default.

The Motive

I think rule-following gives autistics like myself a dopamine rush and a fun distraction from the harshness of life. That is why it can be addictive to make and follow one's own strict rules. There is a vision of how proper and perfect everything would be if only the rule was followed at the same time every day. Perhaps the origin of the impulse is demonic but honestly I have no idea. Once I bore witness to an autistic child throwing a violent tantrum in a public space over a lost toy. Toys are not supposed to be misplaced; that is a breach of the rules.

Autism is in some part the indulgence of laziness. The idea behind the laziness is that the world around the autist must conform to his or her wishes. The same television show needs to come on at the same time and Raymond needs to have his butt planted in his seat in order to watch it every day. Greta needs her gnocchi a certain way come hell or high water or it's imminent death. The kid acted like the Hulk on a bender because his toy was missing.

When autists find out that the real world does not have to comport to their wishes, many of them shut down a la Greta Thunberg and would rather die or skip puberty than grow up and face the music. Depending on the autist, the determination to culminate desire can result in an idiot or a savant. In my case, my determination to understand the music that was lodged in my brain from birth led to relentless experimentation with copycatting songs on the piano and eventually provided me with a career as a music teacher. I am an idiot in many ways, including where music is concerned, but there are certain aspects of music where I lean towards the savant. Every time I used to run to the piano and force my will on my own ear, that dopamine hit gave me the impetus to move on to bigger and better harmonies.

Autistic Literalism Gone Wild

As I mentioned, we all have a bit of the autist in us. In 1995, a book called The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right arrived on the scene. The Rules for ensnaring the not-yet-born Christian Grey were grotesque and oversimplified: play hard to get, be unfriendly and standoffish, stop all communications if he forgets your birthday, yet be easy to live with. In other words, follow this impossible formula to be certain to ensnare an ideal man who does not exist.

The same large female group who fell for The Rules bought into Rhonda Byrnes's The Secret in young adulthood and Covid paranoia in middle age. "If the details of the formula are correct, my desire will manifest", they assured themselves. They were also told going to university would land them good-paying jobs in their field and that they needed a degree in order to succeed. How is that working out for them collectively right now?

Dilbert is a comic strip about formula-following, mouse-find-cheese engineers working under an evil boss. One day, it will serve as a time capsule of the years 1960 - 2040 on display. There is a sociopathic evil boss who doesn't care that he is draining the life out of his employees. Dilbert goes to a psychiatrist, who suggests he is insecure about his looks because his mother was a moth (an absurd formula) and Dilbert ends up agreeing that she was a moth because Dilbert had a sweater that disappeared as a child. In other words, no matter how insane the illogic, the formulas must work because an expert says they work. In companies like the one parodied by the Dilbert strip, consultants are hired to solve company problems, when the baseline problem is that the employees are treated like robots and not human beings. Robots do not deviate from the rules.

I still drive a car a few times a week. There are many people who drive while autistic, expecting everyone else to follow the rules and getting very upset and stressed out if they don't. That used to be me and still is sometimes. The hard facts are that driving is a sh**show and making it out alive and intact must be the primary goal, not following the rules to the letter and expecting others to do the same.

If autists of every stripe can understand that autism is neither a superpower nor a life sentence, that would be a good first step towards adjusting to a world where autism permeates almost every aspect of daily life. Autists of moderate to high function need to wake up and realize that nobody owes us our living, especially not our parents. Another realization I would suggest is that compliance with your own rules or anyone else's can dig you into a deep pit. Autistics may be plagued with literalism but we are routinely blessed with insight. Being so detail-oriented means you can see the hidden faces, if only you can overcome your fear and put your mind to it.