Far Too Proud to Beg

[kimberlysteele]

This morning, I found myself sharing the sob story of my business with the pharmacist who compounds my cat's anti-constipation medicine. Since mid-2020, little Kiki (LOL she's actually huge, around 20 pounds) has needed artificial assistance in the form of an oral medication called Cisapride in order to poop. I suspect that Cisapride is secretly manufactured by artisan elf-monks in the high Sierras out of solid gold that tarnishes when touched by air, because it costs $60 for a 30mg bottle.

I just happened to get the head pharmacist on the phone, and he was exceptionally kind when I told him that I was a small business owner down on her luck because of the Covidapocalypse and $40 was the difference between me and two week's worth of groceries. Though he gave me a discount on Kiki's medication, I don't want a discount.

I want to be able to afford my cat's medication.

Last year at this time, I was doing great. I had money coming in from my usual side work -- recording vocals, PDF sheet music. Plus my music lesson studio had a line out the door. I'm extremely good at what I do. There isn't a singer who walks into my door who isn't a better singer in 6 months time. I also teach piano and guitar, and I know I'm exceptionally good at teaching those as well: as adults, my grown-up ex-students don't stop playing their instruments long after lessons with me are over.

Enough about me and my business. I'm one of the lucky small business owners. I still have a business to come back to. If I owned a dance studio, a gift shop, or a restaurant, forget it. Tracy Walker is (was?) a hairstylist in Alberta, Canada who did everything right. She's on the verge of losing her house, which will displace her, her husband, and her diabetic brother who depends on her for care.  

Tracy managed to create a situation that I've always wanted but couldn't make happen: she runs her business out of the bottom floor of her house, which has been converted into a storefront. It seems the idiots running things in her neck of the woods are of the same breed as the ones in Illinois, because she is unable to do business under a second lockdown.  Here's the thing: even though Tracy has made the decision to stay open against the lockdown order, much like I have done, there's not much one can do if only half the clients are willing to walk through the door.  Fear is powerful, and Tracy, like me and so many other small business owners, can't do much if people are too scared to be in the same room as each other.  There's also the not-small factor of economic collapse, which is cascading through the middle class right now and crushing people's abilities to afford luxuries such as meals out, karate lessons, cosmetic dentistry, hair cut & color, and exorbitantly-priced pet medications.  

I don't want government handouts.  There are people who should benefit from government handouts: all of those old, infirm, and chronically diseased people should be able to access the money they need.  Me?  I am of sound mind and able body and I want to work.  If I were to come into a great fortune tomorrow, I wouldn't close my Studio.  I would still go to work five days a week, though it would probably be via chauffeur as I hate driving.  

There is a silver lining to the cloud: Notice there were no lines outside Best Buy this year and nobody got killed in a Walmart stampede on Black Friday.  This will be the least commercialized Christmas we've had for a long time, and not because Big Retail wanted it that way, but because Big Government cut off its nose to spite its face in the form of self-induced financial collapse.  There is a lot of garbage that won't end up in ocean and future landfills because there won't be as many toys bought this year.  The desperation is palpable in Target and Dollar Tree -- I remember seeing Christmas decorations up in September because they all knew this would be a terrible year no matter how early they rolled out the BUYBUYBUY propaganda.  I hope we never have a successfully commercialized Christmas again.  I hope this year wipes out the frantic, Madison Avenue-driven urge to buy other people's love via material detritus in many individual souls.

I don't want money.  I want bravery.  I want people to stop following mask orders.  I went into Aldi yesterday and I didn't wear my mask.  When a shelf stocker said "Ma'am, put on your mask", I sweetly replied, "Oh my goodness, I must have forgotten.  Thank you so much for reminding me."  I put the mask on and as soon as I was around the corner, I took it off again.  I am going to stop wearing masks when I enter large chain stores, though for smaller places and local chains, I will comply with mask orders so they don't get in trouble.  How sad that it's up to a 4'11" inch woman to stand up to tyrants.  I guess it goes to show how few manly men there are in the suburbs -- I married one of the only ones who can wield a hammer, a paintbrush, and a saw competently.  I suppose I enjoyed myself a bit, gaslighting that poor Aldi employee in such a sarcastic manner.  I don't usually like confrontation and will do anything to avoid it, but this is war, make no mistake.

Comments

[methylethyl]

You're definitely not the only one who hates shopping! And going into stores has become so much more unpleasant this year. Add on the miasma of holiday stress in the air and it's nearly unbearable right now.

I had to go get a few things this week, and we were literally running out of the store when we were done. Just horrible. Didn't even get everything we came for, because at our last stop, in the frozen veg, a large and obviously deranged man had cornered an employee and was talking at him, very loudly and way too close, about all the languages he was just great at, and how great he was generally. The poor dude in the Mall-Wart vest had a hunted look. I made eye contact and tried to think of some way to extract him, while also looking for the frozen blueberries. Crazy guy saw my inattention and sidled over to try to talk to my kid, so I hustled the cart and kid out of there at a fast clip. Had a productive discussion with kiddo on the way home about the situation. Seriously bad energy though.

Farming: have you tried pumpkins or large squashes? They're very little work, they store for a fairly long time, and are a fair number of calories for the small effort. The vines can take up a lot of space, but you can steer them so it's not space that other plants need.

[kimberlysteele]

Yikes! Sounds like a good teaching moment for the kiddo though.

Forget going in...Just driving to a store is miserable -- especially if you live in busy suburbs like mine. The drivers are unhinged.

I remember once when I was at the movie theater seeing one of the Lord of the Rings films with my husband and there was an insane, gigantic dude that was almost about to pick a fight with someone over some stupid detail about the film series. Having read the LoTR books, I butted in with a side thread about the Tom Bombadil character. I went on at length. The savage beast was soothed and nobody got beat up. Nowadays it feels like everyone is on the same knife edge as he was. If such a person approached my child, I would have done the same as you.

I guess there's one good aspect to being broke right now and that is missing 100% of the Christmas rush. I'm going to make some homemade treats for everyone, no other gifts than that.

Farming: I have grown lots of zucchini but no hard shell squashes. I will try them this year! I love to eat them, that's for sure.

[methylethyl]

I had been starting to formulate a scheme to wedge in and ask the employee for help finding dried seaweed. But then he went for my kid: "Hey, is that your Mom?" (translation: "hey, is any adult paying attention or do I have access?").

I thank my lucky stars I don't live in the burbs-- my town is a weird place that in many ways looks like a suburb (small city/large town), but isn't: it's five hours' drive to the nearest big city.

The shopping... this year, I doubled, and in some cases tripled, the amount of staple foods and basic necessities I keep on hand at the house-- enough that I now have to conscientiously rotate stock and feel antsy when we get below forty pounds of rice-- mostly so that I could make fewer shopping trips. I've never minded the Mart of Walls before, but this year it feels *oppressive*. It also happens to be the only thing remotely nearby for groceries.

[kimberlysteele]

Yes, I'm glad Malwart isn't my only choice. As far as the oppressive feeling though, sadly it's not confined to big box stores.