kimberlysteele: (Default)
[personal profile] kimberlysteele

They're worried about being kissed? I'm going to go out on a limb here, but methinks their status as frustrated, desiccated harridans remains serenely unthreatened.

It's largely unknown that Prohibition and vegetarianism were the conjoined triplets of the women's suffrage movement in late Victorian America. In the era shortly before, human slavery was lumped with the evils of drinking, eating meat, and the general powerlessness of women, but once the Civil War ended in 1865, the slavery part largely fell away, leaving the other three.

Hellfire and Damned Nation

Carry (Carrie) Nation was born in Gerrard County, Kentucky, to a plantation owner in 1846. Florid stripes of mental illness ran in the family: Carry's mother frequently imagined she was Queen Victoria and forced her own family to make appointments to see her. An aunt would climb on the roof because she imagined herself to be a weathervane. A cousin crawled well into adulthood, preferring being on all fours to walking. Before reaching the age of 24, Carry married and divorced her first husband within the span of a year. The child that was the product of her first marriage was disabled. Carry blamed the child's disabilities on her husband's drinking habit. Her husband died shortly after the divorce.

Just as Carry was hitting middle age in 1900, she claimed to have a vision about going to Kiowa, Kansas. Carry claimed divine forces told her to smash up and set fire to saloons. Though drinking was not legal in Kansas, saloons and bars operated out in the open in many towns. Carry, armed with a hatchet, began a one-woman terrorist campaign of vandalizing, smashing, burning, and destroying small bars in little towns. She encouraged other women to do the same. The terrorist brigade she formed wrecked dozens of bars with their "hachetations", singing loud hymns and praying while they marauded. After being arrested over 35 times, twice-divorced Carry died alone, largely forgotten, and destitute in 1911.

Despite the vegan movement being anywhere from 70-90 percent female, the term "vegan" was coined in 1946 by Donald Watson, an English farm kid who grew up to become a vegetarian activist. Watson was also a teetotaler, and though nowhere near as psychotic in his approach as Carry Nation, he saw meat, dairy, eggs, and alcohol as damage causing toxins.

Avoiding alcohol, meat, dairy, and eggs are fine things on their own. Personally, I don't consume the latter three and my alcohol consumption is confined to a single 8 oz glass of cheap sangria once a week, and not because I am forbidding myself from having more. I like a glass of wine with a bowl of popcorn. Obviously I don't drink it to get drunk, but neither do I see it as an evil poison worthy of terrorizing a bar.

When Christianity started its long death spiral in 1844, the devils it made during the halcyon days of the Inquisition were replaced with new straw men in the form of Demon Alcohol, Demon Cigarettes, and Demon Animal Flesh. Burning witches was replaced by burning taverns. Traditionally masculine activities like drinking alcohol and eating flesh became the new foci of feminine religious fixation.

To play devil's advocate, imagine yourself as an average woman in 19th century America. You have gotten stuck with a husband who beats you and the kids every time he gets drunk (every few nights). Unlike his more functional peers, your man does not have the inheritance or the competence to keep six mouths fed. Due to what in our era would be called straight up rape, you are pregnant again with kiddo number five. No amount of housework you perform as cottage industry for other households can make up for your husband's debts. He drinks while he gambles and gambles while he drinks. Divorce is not likely, because unlike Carry Nation, you actually care about keeping your kids fed and clothed. He may be a piece of crap, but he at least keeps a roof over your head for the time being, albeit barely. One day, a friend invites you to a vegetarian potluck and Christian prayer group run out of her house. The woman's church is planning an anti-alcohol protest. You join without a second thought. You are genuinely relieved for the first time in years that other women have problems (husbands) eerily similar to yours. You've actually made friends and have a fragile sense of security for the first time since you got married.

Never mind that alcohol and meat eating aren't the real issue at hand any more than porn or video games are in the current era. Never mind that problems like yours have existed since men and women climbed out of the trees. No, if you could just circumvent your husband from obtaining alcohol or being able to gamble, you fatuously convince yourself that all of your problems would vaporize.

Externalizing Blame

Women have a bad habit of externalizing blame. Because women are trained from birth that they're not truly allowed to be angry, the anger they naturally have as human beings gets externalized into antis. Wife beating wretch of a husband? Ban alcohol. School shooter who iced a bunch of preteens? Ban guns. Black people mired in poverty because of fatherlessness? Burn down a bunch of buildings and knock down statues of white people. Women generally in a miserable state? Ban the patriarchy. Create a whipping boy. Make an effigy and pretend that burning it helps someone. I like fire just as much as the next pyromaniac, but even I know that burning down a business is an empty gesture; a bunch of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

So Many Choices and None of Them Average

Modernity is pockmarked by the unwillingness to discriminate. This reluctance is what has led down the hellish path to our current Everything Goes and Nothing Matters culture as coined by James Howard Kunstler. In Wokie Clownworld, biological men participate in girl's sports (the better to see your budding breasts in the locker room, my dear) and costume dramas routinely race swap everyone in Jane Austen's English countryside for brown people. We wouldn't want the youngsters to understand the colonization of India or to remember blacks once died horrible deaths on slave ships before being traded for rum; nah. White people are evil though because reasons.

The idea is to fake it until you make it, and this includes the fabrication of history so history can look pretty for the camera.

Speaking of looks, for the modern woman, looks are everything. She must adhere to an ever-narrower set of beauty standards that morph every five seconds. Women of this era are expected to be as malleable as they are influential. We are a legion of Mrs. Potato Heads, continually improving, never aging, and swapping out features in order to remain in fashion. It's no longer enough to be merely pretty as a young woman... nope. You had better hustle up an empire, or it's no single family home for you. Even if you have a decent man, there's likely no way he will be able to provide unless he's got one of those coveted high-paying mystery jobs because he is a Chad. Though your goal will be to make "easy" influencer cheddar, you will likely sink directly into place as a wage slave, just like your future husband. Thanks to feminism, you'll do at least eighty percent of the housework and childrearing on top of holding down a full time job in order to make ends meet. If you're thinking there aren't enough hours in the day to be this person, you are absolutely correct. We have all known this is a rigged game for years, but since we are told we can and should have it all, we believe it.

That feeling when you have to distract your daughter from the woman humping the ocean in a stripper bikini.

Humility -- Does Anybody Remember Her?

Humility is one of those old timey concepts that I remember from back in the day. I wasn't good at it and I had little to no grace when confronted with a call to embody it. I thought I was bad, but the girls of today never think for a second that being average is acceptable or doable. When you need to hustle as an influencer just to be able to afford a modest roof overhead, you start believing in a bunch of lies that a shrine to the ego is the ticket to a good life. This is how we arrive at Influencers In the Wild, a hilarious account of douchebags posing for the camera when they ought to be participating in their actual lives. I am glad I never documented the fact I have a nice butt or tried to make money off of my figure. I was vain enough to do so and my butt was not in a position to argue. The young women of today are advised to live their lives and enjoy their own nice butts without the intrusion of a camera. The term "shake your money maker" was never meant to be taken literally.

The Third Scourge: Having Children Too Late

Because I am a legit biological woman, I remember when my body wanted children. I myself have never wanted children. I have known since the age of four I did not want children, and I was paranoid enough about pregnancy to avoid it altogether until I had myself sterilized at age 31. I did not need to come to an agreement with my first and only husband (to whom I am still married) because he felt the exact same way. I may have never wanted children, but my body was prime and ripe for it from the ages of 17-21. By age 24, like most women, I had subtle and creeping reproductive maladaptations aside from the usual ones.

Most couples start trying to conceive in their mid-twenties at the absolute earliest. This is pure foolishness. The female body starts going through reproductive hell at that age. At age 30, a woman is nearly too old to reproduce and fertility rates at that age back me up. With each passing year, eggs and sperm degrade in quality. The uterus grows increasingly hostile as menopause approaches.  As far as being ready, nobody is ever financially or emotionally ready to have a child.  That is why it is better to have them young, because at least the physical robustness of youth can lend a hand even if life's circumstances cannot.  

The logical result of older people having kids is diminished kids born to adults who don't have the stamina or health to care for them. You'll never hear the powers that be -- not even governments in a panic because of their aging demographics -- encourage teen pregnancy though. That would take too much money out of the hands of fertility specialists and drug companies.

But like it or not, a mentally and/or physically handicapped child is a perpetual child. A woman who waits is far more likely to have a perpetual child who will never be an independent adult. At the moment, the creaking system is being hit by the first huge wave of autistic adults as their parents pass away. I shudder to think of what happens to the baby boom of autistic adults in thirty years. The woman's movement, if there is a such thing, should seek to legitimize young marriage and pregnancy and encourage young people to pair off and make hay while the sun shines.

Date: 2024-03-12 02:41 pm (UTC)
methylethyl: (Default)
From: [personal profile] methylethyl
That picture... are those men in drag?

Date: 2024-03-13 04:54 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
To the women in the picture: your terms are acceptable.

Date: 2024-03-12 09:20 pm (UTC)
causticus: trees (Default)
From: [personal profile] causticus
Your photo caption nails it. Time and time again, those who shriek and complain the loudest about the opposite sex are those who are least desired by the opposite sex.

On the topic of women having kids way too late in life, my mom was 35 when she had me (and my twin brother). I think some of my neurological issues (ADHD especially) might be a product of that. Also, I think giving birth to twins that late is what totally rekt her etheric body, on top of all the other stress-related issues she had. From her 40s onwards, it was a procession of one chronic illness after another. Ofc her clueless/greedy doctors probably made millions off her various conditions. After she passed a few years ago, I realized it was all for naught; she was miserable the entire time.

Date: 2024-03-13 06:21 pm (UTC)
methylethyl: (Default)
From: [personal profile] methylethyl
Weirdly, twins are more common in older mothers. Dunno if that's a bug or a feature, biologically.

Date: 2024-03-13 01:46 am (UTC)
jpc2: My solar panels and chicken Coop (Default)
From: [personal profile] jpc2
I've never seen proof, but supposedly, my grandmother ran with Carry in Kansas. She could not have been 30 at the time. My grandfather confirmed it, so there is that. She was not vegan. She was anti-anything 'fun.' Alcohol, sex, plays, TV, and so on. But she wasn't mean or nasty about it. She expressed her disapproval and moved on. A mostly out gay son in the 50s might be why.
I like your analysis. I might quibble on a few points, but I must agree and salute you for saying it.

John - Coop Janitor

Date: 2024-03-13 03:15 am (UTC)
jpc2: My solar panels and chicken Coop (Default)
From: [personal profile] jpc2
I don't remember her as a scold. She would tell you she disapproved and let it go at that (usually). My grandfather was a Minister, and my grandmother was a minister's wife. And to me, they were much closer to the ideal than many. They were good people set in their beliefs. And they were not pushy about religion, although I have fond memories of Kerosene from the heater in their trailer at a camp revival in Oklahoma some time in the mid-50s.
The problem with getting old is you lose your memory, or the memories flood you every time you turn around.

Coop Janitor
Yes, I did close up the chickens tonight. 😁

Confirmation

Date: 2024-03-13 03:23 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
About the opposite sex attractiveness thing, yep. As a guy, every other guy I know who incessantly moans about women on a dime usually is desperately unattractive, and it isn't even a mostly physical thing. Usually, the men or women who have stayed silent until being shoved to the breaking point are the ones who really have a true grievance. I have one cousin who constantly rants, and another one who is perfectly polite to the opposite sex no matter what in public. Guess which one had legitimately heartbreaking stories of their treatment by relationship partners and the opposite sex in general, and which one had nothing but vague, resentful abstractions? The lesson for me has been that anger is often truly appropriate in these sex-warring times for both men and women, and must be both accepted and felt, but it never, ever abrogates the need to be dignified.

-Derpherder

Date: 2024-03-13 10:41 am (UTC)
mr_nobody1967: Mr. Yuck, the first emoji (Default)
From: [personal profile] mr_nobody1967
What made you select 1844 as the year of Christianity's final cultural decline?

Date: 2024-03-13 04:50 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Thank you for yet another brilliant essay, Kimberly.

There were two women from my childhood who stand out conspicuously for their overt shunning of the feminist movement. One was a lady (about my mother's age) in the church, that everyone called 'Auntie Ann'; the other was my maternal grandmother. Besides taking their roles as mother, wife, and homemaker very seriously, neither of them ever sought paid employment, and neither of them ever had time or patience for anything or anyone promoting a 'liberation' agenda. And the one thing I remember about these two women - and it's as true today as it was when I was a kid 50 years ago - is that they were the two happiest people I ever met.

Old Steve

Date: 2024-03-13 08:29 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
The quality of your posts have been excellent of late. Telling it like it is is the breath of fresh air we need in this time of anxiety pimping and gaslighting. Well done.

Have you come across the term "hoeflation" before? I did only recently, and I can see how the influencer stuff, and building a shrine to the ego, contribute to the phenomenon. Basically, men have to work harder and harder to even be noticed by women while those women's relationship quality decreases over time. I really feel for the younger people these days (I'm in my mid-forties and married ten years).

As to women externalizing blame, are there any cultures that allow women to express their anger and fury? I'm thinking of some European cultures that are seemingly more comfortable with emotional expression.

Encouraging younger marriage and child rearing would be perceived as SO backwards in today's society. I pictured myself doing such for my teenage stepdaughter... and I found it laughable! How crazy is that? Goes to show how deep the programming goes in my brain. My wife and I already warn her away from higher education b/c of the flustercluck that's become, but actually encouraging her to consider marriage and pregnancy right while a young adult? No way; but that shouldn't be the reaction. Strange...

Tim PW

Date: 2024-03-13 09:31 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I think it's that modern women, for various reasons, have an overinflated sense of their worth on the sexual marketplace (ironic, as a woman's sense of self-worth seems to be at an all time low), and thus believe that men have to work that much harder to win them over. The end result is that both women and men are unhappy.

She's expressed some interest in creative skills such as writing and photography, and we're trying to instill in her an understanding that she doesn't necessarily need accreditation to succeed in creative fields. If she wanted to attend an individual class or series of classes at a college for the sake of learning particular skills, then we're all for it. We just don't want her to believe the lie that going to higher ed == success in life.

Tim PW

Date: 2024-03-14 02:54 am (UTC)
methylethyl: (Default)
From: [personal profile] methylethyl
"modern women"

I'd like to propose an experiment, for every man out there who can't get noticed by women, and for every woman out there who can't find a date.

Premise: Our primitive animal brains are getting burnt out by hyperstimulation. Computers and photoshop are being used constantly, all day every day, to hack circuitry that is tuned by millions of years of evolution to look for fertility, in a partner. Fertility fertility fertility. In men, this looks like narrow hips and wide shoulders, a prominent jaw. In women, this looks like a low waist-hip ratio, smooth skin, a little darker coloring around the lips and eyes, long shiny hair. There's all sorts of manipulation that gets done with images to tweak those circuits, same as we're programmed to like sweet foods because calories = survival. So then what do we do? We distill crystallized sugar and make candy and sodas with it, and now we have something that punches that "sweet" button and if we eat junk all day every day, then we find our enjoyment of healthy food diminishes. Have you ever watched a kid raised on juice try to drink plain water? Torture. We're enslaved by artificial abundance of things that are historically scarce, and it kills our ability to enjoy real things.

So for men and women both, if you're frustrated in your love life, maybe try reducing those exposures.

Men, stop looking at porn. Women, stop reading romance novels. Everybody: take a long break from video entertainment of any kind: TV shows, Movies, YouTube, Insta, whatever. No video. Install an image blocker on your browser. You know those clickbait sidebars on news and tabloids, with bikini-clad celebrities? Block that garbage. If you find yourself on a familiar website, and it just seems really uninteresting with all the pictures blocked... that's a really good indicator that the only thing keeping you coming back is the image hyperstimulation. That's bad for you in the same way that drinking a gallon of Sprite every day is bad for you. Imagine your brain and your libido getting morbidly obese and developing neuropathy-- that's what your constant phone-scrolling is doing to you. Men: being constantly bombarded with manipulated images of sexy women is killing your ability to appreciate the real actual women around you. Women: being constantly bombarded with manipulated images of sexy women is making you a neurotic wreck and killing your ability to be comfortable in your own skin.

Image detox.

I think it'd help a lot. I don't think it's the whole picture, but I think it's a big piece.

Date: 2024-03-14 07:01 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I'd also add another key element: avoid dating apps like the plague. They are designed to never work: a happy relationship is two lost customers, after all. They also dramatically inflate the perception of choices; and make it a lot harder to realize when a good, but not perfect, opportunity comes along.

Date: 2024-03-14 10:01 pm (UTC)
methylethyl: (Default)
From: [personal profile] methylethyl
For sure! I think decision fatigue is another big player here-- how can I settle when I haven't checked out all 10,000 options? What if I'm missing something better? But I think making the internet a text-only experience also short-circuits that problem.

Funny enough, most of the successfully-married young people I know (through church) seem to have met on religion-specific Discord chatgroups, where they don't start out seeing photos. I don't think any of them are exchanging names or what-do-you-look-likes until an interest is already established. And they're traveling long distances to meet and marry. They've stumbled into a venue where they can organize their priorities properly: first and foremost, they're looking for someone who belongs to the same religion, and is at a roughly equal level of observance. After that maybe come employment prospects, shared interests, compatible age... and looks are a somewhat distant third. Back when eharmony was still the shiny new thing, I think it worked somewhat like this as well-- life priorities first, profile pics last. So it's not impossible for a dating app to work... but none of the current ones allow the necessary sorting hierarchy. They're all about perpetual window-shopping... and from the sound of it most of what's visible in the windows is mannequins anyway.

For the non-religious, it feels like time to bring back chaperoned barn dances or board game nights or something: ways for relative strangers to interact and scope each other out, in person, in public, without the commitment of a date, and within the strictures of generally-accepted ritualized behavior where everybody knows what to do and what to expect, whether it's the steps of the Virginia Reel or the rules of Last Card.

Sadly, I think a lot of people out in the current dating market just... don't even know what's important to them. They only know what they've been told they should like.

Date: 2024-03-15 04:02 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I think another issue is that a lot of people haven't had to figure out what's important to them. When you can toss a date aside without issues, it's no longer as important to go into it with an idea of if things could work out or not. If you ask a coworker, or a classmate, or a friend's friend, or a fellow church goer, out, and then things don't work out, it's a lot more awkward than if you go on a date with a total stranger and things don't work out.

Which means that dating apps prevent people from needing to actually try to figure out what the deal breakers are; because if things go poorly with their date, it's not that important. Where if you ask someone you already know out, then it's quite likely that you've already had to consider what will happen if things go poorly.

Date: 2024-03-15 09:32 pm (UTC)
methylethyl: (Default)
From: [personal profile] methylethyl
Yeah. The two groups of people I know who are really solid on what's important to them in a partner are religious people, and divorced people. The former have been handed a set of rules that generally works, as much by finding people already on the same page lifestyle-wise, but also by instantly weeding out most flakes and users, and as long as they stick with them, they're pretty much OK. Downside is that finding someone in your area can be tough. Kids I know engaged or getting married are not looking at the next town over, they're long-distance dating several states away, or even internationally.

Divorced people have a rough time of it. They've figured it out the hard way, have a lot of baggage, and the dating market is seriously terrible for them. If you have kids and you actually care about being a good parent, then X100 because if you're a single mom, you have to constantly be alert for men who just want access to your kids, or see "single mom" and think you're an easy fling, and if you're a single dad, nobody knows how to categorize you at all. Lots of women are OK with a dad who has kids only on weekends. Very very few are keen on becoming a fulltime stepmom. Understandably. And, you know, if there's self-awareness there, then they still have to deal with the fact that they were attracted to all the wrong things before, and they need to be really sure they don't repeat the mistake.

Date: 2024-03-14 10:08 pm (UTC)
methylethyl: (Default)
From: [personal profile] methylethyl
Yeah, I think John Carter groks the problem pretty accurately.

You have a point about the kids thing though. Where *is* that coming from? I'm inclined to say that's just what happens when you park tens of millions of people in front of a hypnotic portal and offer them an endless buffet of imagery. For at least a non-trivial minority, that's opening up doors in their heads big enough for demonic critters to step through. Probably helps if they're already damaged in some way. But just like those critters exploit every other kind of addictive thing... leave the door open and they'll happily move in.

Date: 2024-03-14 11:49 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I think that ties in with your previous post about older people wanting access to children's energy. Am I summing that up right? And then looking through a wider lens, perhaps we see these older people doing that because of the lack of life energy in general, living in a spiritual dark age.

Tim PW

Date: 2024-03-15 01:41 am (UTC)
methylethyl: (Default)
From: [personal profile] methylethyl
You know, that also makes total sense. Ever looked at a set of mugshots for dudes arrested for that? They look like mushrooms. Would probably be vastly healthier in every way if sentenced to labor outdoors for life.

Date: 2024-03-14 11:58 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Agreed 100% with what you recommend.

Tim PW

Date: 2024-03-18 07:54 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I liked this essay quite a bit. I think you are choosing very interesting topics, Kimberly

I saw a documentary that mentioned this time. It showed a bar that had a sign which said "All Nations Welcome Except Carrie".

Cheers, Heloise

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