I think we should all very much appreciate those who've chosen not to have children! Historically, they've been some of the most productive, innovative people around-- people who could devote their entire lives, and nearly all their attention, to work. It's obviously not an ideal path for everyone-- some of us *like* having kids around-- but there's a clear societal benefit to it. And it's not just avoiding having a bunch of kids grow up in households where their parents didn't want them. They've also historically been valuable assets as members of extended kin networks: i.e. just because you don't have your own kids, doesn't mean you can't be a great member of a family that does. It's just that our ideas about what a "family" is in modern America are greatly impoverished. I lucked out growing up as part of an enormous network of local great-aunts and -uncles, first-cousins-once-removed, second-cousins... if you're not hung up on the whole "nuclear family" idea, then there's no reason you can't have a meaningful place in a large family, without having kids.
In historical accounts, you run across a lot of references to single-sex boarding houses-- places where old bachelors and spinsters could rent a room, not have to do their own housekeeping, and get a meal or two a day served at the house. They still exist but are much rarer and seedier these days. When I was a kid, and my dad worked in another city for a while, he lived in one such place, sort of a holdover. The proprieters had been in the business for a very long time, and still brought up a pitcher of wash-water each morning, to use with the basin on a stand in his room! That was the 80s.
Side note: a more retro understanding of family does a pretty good job of handling teenage pregnancy as well. It used to be fairly normal for an out-of-wedlock child of a teen mother to simply be adopted by its grandparents, and move seamlessly into the family. Knew of a trad catholic family who'd done this: after eight kids, adding a ninth was no big deal, he was doted on by all his sibling/aunts/uncles, and bio-mom successfully finished college. Win win. It'd work even better if there was no stigma attached, and nobody had to go through the farce of teenage daughter "going off to stay with relatives" for the duration ;) This used to be fairly common, and I even wonder idly if it happened in my own family-- my grandmother comes from a huge family, where everybody's about 3 years apart in age except the youngest-- 7-year gap there, and she was the only blonde one. Probably a surprise menopause baby, but what if...?
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Re: Boomer mom
Date: 2022-07-28 03:05 pm (UTC)In historical accounts, you run across a lot of references to single-sex boarding houses-- places where old bachelors and spinsters could rent a room, not have to do their own housekeeping, and get a meal or two a day served at the house. They still exist but are much rarer and seedier these days. When I was a kid, and my dad worked in another city for a while, he lived in one such place, sort of a holdover. The proprieters had been in the business for a very long time, and still brought up a pitcher of wash-water each morning, to use with the basin on a stand in his room! That was the 80s.
Side note: a more retro understanding of family does a pretty good job of handling teenage pregnancy as well. It used to be fairly normal for an out-of-wedlock child of a teen mother to simply be adopted by its grandparents, and move seamlessly into the family. Knew of a trad catholic family who'd done this: after eight kids, adding a ninth was no big deal, he was doted on by all his sibling/aunts/uncles, and bio-mom successfully finished college. Win win. It'd work even better if there was no stigma attached, and nobody had to go through the farce of teenage daughter "going off to stay with relatives" for the duration ;) This used to be fairly common, and I even wonder idly if it happened in my own family-- my grandmother comes from a huge family, where everybody's about 3 years apart in age except the youngest-- 7-year gap there, and she was the only blonde one. Probably a surprise menopause baby, but what if...?