The Art of War by Sun Tzu, Chapter Three, Planning Offensives

Unless you are one of the lucky few, you have probably had to deal with a neighbor you didn’t get along with.  I am not untouched by the bad neighbor experience.  Sun Tzu gives us some help in learning how to battle a bad neighbor on both the large and the small scale in this chapter that may be of some use to those (like myself) currently embroiled in dealings with less-than-savory neighbor situations.  

 

Sun Tzu the Good Neighbor

 

Right out of the gate, Sun Tzu says “preserving the enemy’s state-capital is best, destroying their state capital is second best.”  

 

Sun Tzu wants everyone to get along.  Though he doesn’t rule it out, he reminds us that it is vastly preferable not to obliterate our neighbor’s ability to thrive.  Let’s say there is a family living in an average suburban house in an average suburban neighborhood called the Average Family.  One day, a family of hoarders moves in next door.  The hoarders are extremely well off (this is often the case with hoarders) and over the span of a few years, they cram their home with junk. Mr. and Mrs. Average could go ballistic on the hoarders, shunning them, shaming them, and generally abusing them, or they could go the high road and treat them as they would want to be treated: with kindness and compassion.   Hoarding, after all, is a mental disorder and though those who hoard should not be enabled, bullying them serves little to no purpose except one’s own ego-gratification.   If push truly comes to shove, for instance if the hoarders share common walls (and rats, roaches, and ants) with the average family’s duplex, the second option of attempting to destroy their capital comes into play.  To destroy their capital, we could take any array of options from having them fined by the town, the association, or both, or we could employ natural magic against them in the form of hot foot powder.  Sun Tzu’s preferred approach is to sweeten the relationship instead immediately going for the jugular.  

 

There Goes the Neighborhood

 

Let’s say the hoarders move out… yay!  The For Sale sign goes up and in a few months, there is a new neighbor moving in next door to the Average Family.  Problem solved, right?  Wrong!  The family next door is now a bunch of drug dealers.  Great.

 

Sun Tzu says that the highest realization of warfare is to attack the enemy’s plans, but how do you attack the enemy’s plans when they’re dealing drugs?  Magic and prayer would be a good place to turn in this case, because the only way you are going to get in their way is with the help of the gods.  One would think that doing magic to destroy them would be the order of the day, but actually you should take the opposite approach.  Doing magic to strengthen your own morale and praying for your own ability to transcend your law-breaking neighbor is the best strategy for undermining their deleterious effects upon you and your surroundings.  Fortifying your own “vibe” with the power of beings that are much, much smarter than you will get in the way of your drug dealing neighbor far better than any hexes or curses you can throw at them.  Trust me on this one, as I have an uncanny natural talent for hexing and cursing that I wisely no longer use.  You can also ask others to pray for your well being… give those nosy Christians something to do, but make sure you specify they are not to pray for your conversion to Christianity unless that’s what you want!

 

The next level of the realization of warfare is to attack the enemy’s alliances.  “Alliances” in our case applies to the drug dealer’s clients, suppliers, and the municipality in which they are doing illegal business.  If your neighbors are drug dealers, you will have to consider reporting them to the authorities.  You will want to talk to your neighbors, who might also know what they are doing.  You might consider hiring an investigator or looking into their criminal records.  The City Council might be able to act on your behalf depending on the situation.  

 

The next level of the realization of warfare is to attack their army.  When you call the police on your bad neighbor’s loud party or leave a terse message on their voicemail, this is what you are doing.  You aren’t attacking the head of the enemy: you are doing nothing to drive away the forces that keep the demand for drugs in full swing.  You are merely throwing grenades at foot soldiers.  

 

The lowest level of the realization of warfare is to attack their fortified cities.  Now we are looking at the tactics of Antifa and BLM, the lowest of the low.  You decide to torment your neighbor by marching around his house with a bunch of your own posse and a bullhorn.  You purposefully draw the police to your protest so they may hear you whine about the injustice and unfairness they are allowing.  

 

Sun Tzu always argues for subjugating the enemy without fighting whenever possible.  As frustrating as “leave it to the gods” and “do self-encouraging magic” sounds, it really is the best and most effective strategy.  

A Tale of Two Neighbors' Resources

Sun Tzu goes on to talk about resources and how they pertain to warfare.  If you have ten times the drug dealer neighbor’s resources, you might be able to buy the house they are in and evict them.  You could certainly afford to move if you don’t mind moving.  At the very least, if you are not able to be kind and friendly to them, you can have a wall or fence erected between the two of you.

 

If you have five times their resources, you can consider getting legal on them.  You might not be able to stop them from doing business, but you might be quietly able to make it difficult for them to proceed by reporting them to their internet service provider or slowing the flow of customers in and out of their door.  

 

If you have double their resources, Sun Tzu suggest dividing your forces.  You could acquire a pied-a-terre in another state so that you can take vacations during their annoying busy seasons.  You might buy a nearby house and rent out the original residence to someone who doesn’t mind being next door to a drug dealer until the drug dealer leaves.  You might send the kids to go live with their grandmother for a few weeks at a time.

 

If you are equal in strength, you can engage your enemy.  You have every right to be there, after all, and they are breaking laws.   Can doesn’t mean “should”.  My thoughts are that you shouldn’t expect too much from the police these days, at least not in the US.  

 

Finally, you can avoid your enemy if you are outmatched by them.  This is what I have done in the case of my own bad neighbors when they were doing illegal things in their space.  The Average Family might put up a large address plaque on their house to deter addicts and other dealers from mistakenly flocking to their door instead of the dealer's place.  They would do well to plant trees and bushes on the border between the two houses, which will add a magical protective effect as well as a visual shield.  Periodically sprinkling salt laced with hot pepper at the edge of their property will also keep their customers and colleagues from wandering in the direction of your house.  Putting up a decorative mandala-like symbol somewhere near the door such as a hex sign confounds the negative energies of addiction that swirl around your bad neighbor and their clientele.  The ultimate avoidance of the enemy, of course, is moving.

 

Sun Tzu says not to entangle the army if you don’t have to.  Right now, if the Average Family decides to move its troops, they might end up getting soaked.  We are in a massively inflated property bubble.  If the Average Family sells high, they’ll only end up buying high somewhere else and in a few years, will end up under water in their mortgage or rent.  So pick your battles carefully.

 

Sun Tzu also talks about generals who do not understand the army’s affairs yet tries to direct them like its own civil administration.  The Average Family might think that they are owed law and order in their neighborhood because they are law-abiding citizens.  They are naive.  When you are dealing with a bad neighbor, are you looking at the general symptoms of decline in your geographical area and the larger landscape of your country?  We are in a Long Descent where even the “good” neighborhoods are infested by crime.  Many people can no longer make an honest living even if they want to.  Drug dealing, prostitution, and homelessness is going to touch the Average Family because that is modern life.  Not-In-My-Backyard or NIMBYism is harder to sustain with each passing year.

 

Know your enemy.  Their goal is simple: Continue staying afloat by selling drugs.  In the case of hoarders, it is to accumulate lots of stuff until they die, whereupon they will quickly realize they can’t take it with them.  They aren't your friends, but they also aren't Josef Stalin.

 

More importantly, know yourself.  Know your own weaknesses and don’t sink to the level of hating your neighbor.  They may be parasites, but aren’t we all?  Takes one to know one.