You feel him too then, right? I call him the Lord of Rage. I have a feeling he may be Mars, Ares, Tyr, or many other names. He is battlefield carnage, mayhem, havoc (in its original meaning) and bloodshed, but also the knife in the shadows. He is the burning-eyed fury of Achilles as he chased Hector around Troy to his death.
In the Warhammer 40 000 universe, he is called Khorne, the Chaos Blood God (and I am convinced that the'fictitious' Warhammer gods are actually very real).
I am also of fairly slight frame, though stronger than people expect. However, I have a surprisingly good throwing arm, fast reflexes and a seemingly instinctive knowledge of how to hurt people, whether physically or emotionally. This current lifetime is actually pretty dull for me, but I'm sure it's actually intended for me to drop some of the more unhelpful traits and to rein in the anger. I've made some progress, I think.
The weird thing is, and I don't know if it's the same with you, but I give off a 'vibe'. I never actually got particularly bullied at school, despite being the smallest in my year at an all-boys school for 3 years running, and was bookish to boot. It's not the jockish "I'll beat you up after school" kind of vibe, but the "If you cross me, I will never forget it, and will get you from behind in the dark at some indeterminate point in the future and you'll never see it coming and no one will ever know, including you" kind of vibe. A psychopath vibe, I guess. Unfortunately, most women can subconsciously detect this as well, and most were genuinely terrified of me within minutes in my teens/early 20s. Except for the odd few who seemed to find it attractive, which I found deeply confusing. I say this in the past tense, as it's now very much something I can switch off. It turns out playing violent video games, listening to violent music, watching violent movies, reading violent books, drawing violent things and generally filling your every waking (and sleeping) thoughts with violence gives off a general aura of 'menace'. Who knew?
Thanks for being brave enough to speak about this as well. Like you, I suspect it's more common than most people like to think. It's presumably advantageous, at a population level, to have a certain number of 'sleeper' psychopaths, to hold back dictatorial impulses. And they are self-limiting - I wouldn't want to be the king if I knew there were other people like me out there, would you?
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2023-06-20 12:32 am (UTC)In the Warhammer 40 000 universe, he is called Khorne, the Chaos Blood God (and I am convinced that the'fictitious' Warhammer gods are actually very real).
I am also of fairly slight frame, though stronger than people expect. However, I have a surprisingly good throwing arm, fast reflexes and a seemingly instinctive knowledge of how to hurt people, whether physically or emotionally. This current lifetime is actually pretty dull for me, but I'm sure it's actually intended for me to drop some of the more unhelpful traits and to rein in the anger. I've made some progress, I think.
The weird thing is, and I don't know if it's the same with you, but I give off a 'vibe'.
I never actually got particularly bullied at school, despite being the smallest in my year at an all-boys school for 3 years running, and was bookish to boot. It's not the jockish "I'll beat you up after school" kind of vibe, but the "If you cross me, I will never forget it, and will get you from behind in the dark at some indeterminate point in the future and you'll never see it coming and no one will ever know, including you" kind of vibe. A psychopath vibe, I guess. Unfortunately, most women can subconsciously detect this as well, and most were genuinely terrified of me within minutes in my teens/early 20s. Except for the odd few who seemed to find it attractive, which I found deeply confusing. I say this in the past tense, as it's now very much something I can switch off. It turns out playing violent video games, listening to violent music, watching violent movies, reading violent books, drawing violent things and generally filling your every waking (and sleeping) thoughts with violence gives off a general aura of 'menace'. Who knew?
Thanks for being brave enough to speak about this as well. Like you, I suspect it's more common than most people like to think. It's presumably advantageous, at a population level, to have a certain number of 'sleeper' psychopaths, to hold back dictatorial impulses. And they are self-limiting - I wouldn't want to be the king if I knew there were other people like me out there, would you?
Mr. Crow