Death to Professional Sports

[kimberlysteele]

Despite its massive egregore and towering astral pyramids, at least half the world's population takes no interest in professional sports.  Much like other forms of "professional" entertainment, professional sports seem to have hit their peak.  Also much like other "professional" modes of entertainment, becoming a pro sportsball player is not encumbered by meritocracy.  Even before the days when biological males in boxing rings were turning South Park episodes into grim reality, there was enough steroid use and nepotism to tip the entire construct towards grotesque unfairness.  

Gen X prides itself on a childhood spent playing outside yet it easily forgets the era's obsession with organized sports.  Though my generation and the ones after it were told we could be boss babes or astronauts, the real fixation was with turning us all into professional, competitive athletes.  One's popularity in public school in the 1970s, 80s, and 90s was largely dependent upon athletic status.  Every homecoming king was nearly required to be the captain of at least one high school sports team.  When I was in high school, there was a cringeworthy, edgelord rich kid who insisted he should be homecoming king instead of the usual suspects.  In the end, he lacked the necessary votes and time on the field.  Deep involvement in school sports has always helped filter out the riff raff: school sports have always cost a small fortune.  Poor kids cannot afford to participate.  In the novel and later movie, Carrie, the popular girl who bullies the titular character is a female jock who manipulates her boyfriend into dumping pig's blood on poor, unathletic Carrie.  It is fitting that the brutal opening scene of Carrie takes place in a high school gym locker room.  

I don't know how it is now in this time of molly-coddling and paranoia, but back in the day no one was safe from the obsession with sports.  In junior high, everyone did the Superbowl Shuffle.  We were given a "choice" to sit it out and look like nerdy freaks; it wasn't a real choice.  I wish the idiots who made public school a living hell for non-jocks could let non-sports fans either appreciate sports from the side lines or opt out entirely.  There was no such animal in my young days.  Nowadays, I would still be happy to see everyone who forced me to play sports pilloried for a minimum of 24 hours.  I did not mind swimming or running many miles.  What made me angry was getting hit in the face over three times in floor hockey.  I have always been athletic; I simply have no urge to compete.  

It's a good thing they played better than they danced...
 

I admire what sporty types do but I cannot imagine paying to see them, let alone traveling and then paying to see them.  For the athletes themselves, the insane drive to be THE BEST seems hollow in this post-Piscean age where to truly shine is to do your own, unique thing.  Professional sports are by their nature a religion of conformity.  Games have rules.  Players wear uniforms so they all look the same.  They join TEAMS.  Every person who has attained a position in professional sports team has gotten there by being a rule-follower and a conformist.  Sports are boring because they offer few surprises.  Gymnastics and iceskating are somewhat compelling because of their creative aesthetics but the rest of it is ugly and base. 

Sports were and are little mock-ups of wars.  Like wars, they belong to Ares and maleness.  In the ancient Greek Olympics, it goes without saying women were not allowed to participate in the games.  Many people do not realize that married women were banned from watching. Despite the Olympics being a very big deal back then, married women were not allowed to watch the men's games upon penalty of death.

Taylor Swift is the musical equivalent of a modern professional sports star.  She plays to half the world -- her fans likely number in the billions -- and for now her face and body match a scary ideal mere mortals cannot achieve even with copious surgery.  Despite her grandeur, I think she's boring.  Her music is overcooked-lasagna-noodle bland.  It sounds like it was written by a focus group of middle-aged Karens.  Anyone who wants me to sit through one of her live concerts would have to pay me at least ten thousand dollars, not the other way around.  

As we shift harder towards a world where legions of social media users disenfranchise the Taylor Swifts and Kylie Kardashians of the world by tuning them out, I think we will see professional sports finally begin to loosen its death grip on the collective imagination.  Will women's sports be completely obliterated as the ranks fill with biologically superior athletes of XY chromosomal makeup?  Will the opening ceremonies of Olympics 2028 kowtow to the new pressures of the religiously respectful Right?  I don't care and you cannot make me care. The only wish I have related to sports is the wish my tax dollars will never again fund a sports stadium build out; I am certainly not holding my breath for that practice to end anytime soon.  

If you like sports, more power to you. As an outsider looking in, I would implore you to save your hard-earned money for the support of your own local teams. If you have a child in sports, realize that it is a racket and please do not pressure the talented kid to “go pro” as it is an even bigger racket. Maybe I am just naive over here but I thought sports was supposed to be about sportsmanship and love of the game. I don’t see much of those in professional sports and I doubt I am the only one.