The Shadow of the Rainbow

[kimberlysteele]

I have never had any problem with what does or does not go on in other people's bedrooms. I lean a bit gay myself, and if female-female relationships were somehow less fraught with drama than male-female ones, chances are I would have ended up married to another woman. In my self-conscious youth, I went out of my way to demonstrate how OK I was with other people choosing do do whatever they wanted with their own sexualities. I went to bars and pride parades. Every now and then, I expressed my open disgust at certain polarizing Christian groups that took Leviticus 18:22 literally, yet accepted shellfish-eaters and tattoo-wearers into its ranks without question.

I resisted being a TERF long after J.K. Rowling got cancelled for promoting women-only spaces. It was actually the long reaction to the release of Covid that ended my relationships with gay men. The few gay male friends I had uniformly turned into Wokezis who felt entitled to shame anyone and everyone except themselves.

There's an old adage that the Left will eat itself, yet the current mass hysteria about alternative sexuality was born in the Right. We would not have pushy genderqueer creeps attempting to insert themselves into children's story hour at the library if there had never been pushy evangelists who shouted from televisions and churches built on every corner during the last 200 years. We are on a pendulum that keeps swinging through sensible approaches to life from one heinous extreme to the other. On one side, there are sociopathic libertine clowns in full makeup and foundation-caked beards insisting that their autogynephilia isn't the same kind as the freakshow, serial killer kind captured in film The Silence of the Lambs. On the other side, we have equally septic narcissists who would slut-shame a dog walking in a park because her butt wiggled when she walked; transparently pre-occupied are they with the delights of perversion though they passionately preach otherwise.

In both cases, there is a shadow being carefully tucked away and denied.

I Won't Grow Up!

Adolescence is difficult to begin with, and it is far more difficult now than it ever was when I was growing up. Considering I almost took my own life back then because of how bad it was, to have it be worse now is a special kind of hell. I truly feel for the younger generations nowadays. I created a TikTok expressly for the reason of trying to help them in a way psychiatrists, counselors, and psychologists who are almost as common as preachy Christian hypocrites (and often one and the same) cannot.

I had friends who grew up as gay males in the 80s and 90s. It was rough -- they were bullied, harassed, and to make matters worse, teachers often looked the other way or even joined in. But as much as they might think they had it the worst, I was straight at the time and I was sexually assaulted multiple times in the halls of my junior high when I was only 12 years old. I was bullied and teachers often were just as bad as students. Public school was horrible and in the 80s, there was no awareness about bullies aside from caricatures in Back to the Future and John Hughes movies. The difference between me and my gay male friends is that I grew out of it and I no longer live my emotional life in junior high and high school.

Gay men are often ensnared by the Puer Aeternis archetype. Despite the aging, balding, pot-bellied image in the mirror, they are obsessed with the toxic myth of eternal youth. The reason gay men want to indoctrinate children is because they have confined their imaginations to eternal adolescence: obsessed with human beauty, preoccupied with sexual acts or a lack thereof, and constantly outraged from being trapped inside a persecution complex.

Gay women, ironically, are not as obsessed with youth because they want to mate with it so much as they see commandeering the young as a way to exercise control. Like the embittered Catholic nuns of yesteryear who ruled with an iron hand and a painful conductor's wand well-acquainted with children's wrists and arms, the gay women teachers of the new Millennium want to be dictators of their own banana republics. They want to erect statues to their own superhuman glory (making sure to tear down Abe Lincoln or George Washington as a bonus) like Miss Trunchbull in Matilda.

Don't Fear the Reaper

The trouble with putting all your unfertilized eggs in the ephemeral basket of appearance is that nobody ages in reverse. I thought I had an uphill battle as a woman when it came to letting go of being the prettiest in the room. As it turns out, my non-straight male peers were far worse at accepting the ravages of gravity and age. Just as certain women turn into plastic surgery addicts, choosing to have their skin detached and stretched out over a series of ever-degrading procedures known as face-lifts, certain men seek to turn back the clock by cross-dressing and occasionally amputating/augmenting their bodies in botched attempts to avoid adulthood and maturity. Notice how Dylan Mulvaney caricatures girls ages 8-18 and any given drag show parodies young Mariah, not present day Mariah. Mighty Saturn is their ultimate Kryptonite, and it is almost funny that they think they can outrun him.

Who You Callin' a Dictator?

It's also almost funny that so many "non-binary" people and their "allies" point the finger at the ostensibly straight accusing them of a dictatorship. There has never been an easier time in history to choose or declare your own sexual path. If anything, it is straight couples who wish to bear children who are most at risk at being shamed, excluded, marginalized, bullied, and attacked. Name one place in the US a straight person can live and not be constantly messaged with alphabet soup awareness propaganda: such a place no longer exists. After obtaining the right to get married, the push could have easily stopped and we all know it.

One thing that has become very clear in the last few years is just how beholden our entire economic system is to medical grift. Though it is estimated that 50% of the real economy has something to do with Pharmakeia, I would guess it is more like 80%. Everybody is out to make a buck on the chronically ill these days except for a handful that have somehow stayed out such as myself. Of course the medical dictatorship seeks to exploit awkward pre-teens and medicalize them into a lifetime of misery and dependence. That's how they roll. An industry that has zero problem with scamming the elderly and maiming and killing billions with forced vaccines isn't going to have any qualms when it comes to convincing kids to chemically castrate themselves and amputate working body parts, thus damaging themselves for the rest of their current incarnations.

One of my quiet agendas with all of the TikTok videos I make about healing herbs is to perhaps get the idea out there that treatments and cures are not limited to magic pills, amputation, and implants.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I think a good deal of it has a much simpler explanation: folks who had rough times growing up / in school are still trying to fight their tormentors by proxy, even though conditions have largely changed.


Also, I'll agree with the previous commenters who don't care for the new versions of the flag. The irony to me, though, is that since the stripes in the original flags represented principles, by adding new elements specific to particular identity groups aren't they effectively ceding those principles to whoever's left behind (white, cis-folk)?

[kimberlysteele]

I had a very rough time growing up, but at least I don't still to this day work myself into a lather about all the asshats who made my worse back then. They don't acknowledge that conditions have changed. For some of my ex-friends, it will always be 1988, and if it isn't happening for them personally, they will fantasize that 1988 is replaying itself for some poor, disadvantaged gay kid (who is conveniently neither named nor found) for whom they must come to the rescue. So they bellow with attention-seeking narcissism ahem I mean pride about the preteen gay persecution Groundhog's Day scenario they play over and over in their head. Basically they live in a hell of their own making and they feel a compulsion to advertise it. They look for validation in their self-made prison of woe and largely they get it.


Yeah, that's how I see it. By representing everybody except white, straight people, they make those people into an unseen hand that rules over all. The white, straight couple is the eye of the storm around which everything else revolves. They make the white, straight people into devils but by doing so, accidentally place them in the thrones of gods. This is often what happens to those who have no understanding of polarity in magic. Not saying that I have a great deal of understanding there, but at least it has crossed my mind more than once!

[mr_nobody1967]

This would certainly be a manifestation of what JMG termed "The Rescue Game" in his "American Narratives" series on his original blog.

[methylethyl]

I had a bad enough time in school that, at twenty, there was a terrific amount of residual anger. I definitely could have gone there... and in fact at that age was easily sucked in by political/social hot-button issues. Read a ton of stuff on the treatment of women in the Muslim world (it was the hot topic of the day), some disability issues, etc.

It was easier to be angry about someone else's problems than to deal with my own feelings of humiliation and rejection.

But I realized, at some point, what was going on with that. I saw it in other people, and it held up an ugly mirror to my own self. It's not that those "issues" weren't real, or worth addressing... it's that I had unconsciously picked issues where I had no chance of making any difference with concrete action, because they were so far outside my sphere of influence. Something bad happening far far away, in another country where I'll never go, is a *safe* thing to be angry about.

So I dealt with the real problems in my real actual life: went painstakingly back over the roster of former friends, former classmates, former enemies, former persecutors, asking myself:

Did I do anything to contribute to the bad situation with this person? (often, yes)

Do I want to remain connected to this person, and the bad feelings between us, forever?

I first realized that nearly all of us, including myself, are crap people during adolescence. Hormones, bad parenting, awful environment... it's a wonder anybody grows up sane, really. For most, character development happens later. I forgave myself for being a self-absorbed nitwit. It happened. I was a lousy friend. And then I went down the list, everybody, by name, that I'd had negative thoughts about, or experiences with, and I forgave them. Then I made myself wish them well in their adult lives, prayed for them, and let them go. I was a stupid bastard at 16, they were stupid bastards at 16, and with luck and God's grace, I hope we all grew into better people. Staying attached to whatever we were as teenagers was definitely holding me back, stunting something inside. Maybe holding onto it was also holding them back. Let go and let them be the best version of whatever they're destined to be. Like, clearly my impotent rage is not going to hamper anybody with a modicum of spiritual protection... but what if they don't have that? Would I be cursing them by holding onto my grudges? I don't wanna do that.

I feel like... the toxic hormonal soup of a school environment that we came through has only gotten worse since we graduated. At least we did it without social media and smartphones. Whatever I had to overcome to become a functional adult... the current crop of young folks have got it worse. Are they getting any help to do what they need to do to leave it behind? No, I think some vested interests have been busy taking all that completely inevitable anger and actively *preventing* them from processing it. They're weaponizing it. Grade school is a cannon factory. College tells you where to point it. There is no disarmament program.