Ditto. I grew up in a huge extended kin network. We all knew who the abuser was, in the family. My parents kept us away from him at family reunions. But *he still came to the dang family reunions* every year. Nobody had the balls to un-invite him, and there were ten or more cousins who would not attend, just because he was there. Nobody protected his own kids from him-- and surely some of them knew enough to file a report with the police! His daughters will probably travel from across the country just to spit on his grave when he dies.
It's very very hard to break with your family or your social group by DOING something. This terrifies me because I'm a youth volunteer at church, and have gone through all the abuse prevention training... I understand the system for reporting things, and I will use it if I ever witness anything that needs reporting. But I KNOW that if I end up having to report someone who is well-liked or well-connected in the church, my family will have to move to another town, in order to go to a different church, because most people would refuse to believe the report, and I would then be blamed for slandering someone and causing a rift. Same thing would have happened in my extended family:everyone would have been forced to take sides. There would have been a rift. Nobody wanted to upset the guy's mother.
It's complicated. There's shrapnel. In real life, everyone gets hurt. Doing the right thing doesn't mean you'll get a medal and everyone will cheer, you know? Internet sleuthing is so safe, by comparison.
no subject
It's very very hard to break with your family or your social group by DOING something. This terrifies me because I'm a youth volunteer at church, and have gone through all the abuse prevention training... I understand the system for reporting things, and I will use it if I ever witness anything that needs reporting. But I KNOW that if I end up having to report someone who is well-liked or well-connected in the church, my family will have to move to another town, in order to go to a different church, because most people would refuse to believe the report, and I would then be blamed for slandering someone and causing a rift. Same thing would have happened in my extended family:everyone would have been forced to take sides. There would have been a rift. Nobody wanted to upset the guy's mother.
It's complicated. There's shrapnel. In real life, everyone gets hurt. Doing the right thing doesn't mean you'll get a medal and everyone will cheer, you know? Internet sleuthing is so safe, by comparison.